When The Bible Isn’t Enough

Written by Tony J. Alicea Featured Content, Shades of Gray 53 Comments

I have a confession. I don’t read the Bible everyday. And I don’t even feel bad about it. Not anymore.

Like many of us, I grew up believing that a “good” Christian has a quiet time every morning consisting of prayer and Bible reading. If I was feeling distant from God, the first question people asked was “Have you been doing your daily devotional?” I shamefully confessed that I hadn’t and promised myself to try harder.

The problem was that as much as I tried, I could never do it every single day. Some days I woke up late. Other days I just didn’t feel like doing it. Some days I just forgot. All of these scenarios just made me feel guilty about being a terrible Christian.

I believed reading the Bible was a mark of spiritual maturity.

One year I actually pulled off reading the entire Bible. Not because I was able to read it consistently every day. It was because every month or so I went on a marathon reading session to make up for all the days I missed. I was pretty proud of myself for reading it cover to cover.

The problem was that I knew more about the Bible but I didn’t really know God.

The reality of this hit me like a ton of bricks a few years ago when my life fell apart. I was on the brink of divorce, I moved to a new city and I was living with my parents. I found myself depressed and disconnected from God.

I relied on what I knew best: spiritual discipline. I determined to wake up and pray and read the Bible everyday. And I was doing it consistently this time. But unfortunately, it didn’t work. On the other hand, it just made me angry.

I was doing all the right things now and my situation seemed to be worsening. My marriage was all but over, I was sleeping in my little sister’s bedroom and I was about to lose my job.

Reading the Bible wasn’t helping any of this.

Then one day everything changed. I was sitting on the floor reading my Bible faithfully when the tears started streaming down my face. None of the verses helped. I couldn’t take it anymore and I let God have it. I cried out, “I need you to be more real than the words on this page!“

I threw my Bible down and cried uncontrollably. I curled up in the fetal position and let the weight of it all come down on me. It was the first time I honestly let go and stopped trying to do the right thing.

I let myself feel all of the pain. And that’s when He met me.

For the first time I felt the tangible presence of God in a real way. As I lay curled up in a ball on the floor I felt Him surround me. With my eyes swollen shut and chest heaving, I felt His arms wrap around me. He didn’t say anything. I just felt Him mourn with me. He wasn’t preaching to me, He was grieving my loss.

For the first time I felt the Word come alive. Not the dusty book with crumpled pages and red letters. The Man came alive. His words became truth. It was tangible and not intellectual. And that changed everything.

I no longer read the Bible for Him. I read it for me.

I stopped reading to gain His approval. I stopped reading it to mark off a checklist. I stopped reading it to prove I’m a good Christian.

I read it because I want to know more about the One that met me that day when words were not enough.

[photo: net_efekt, Creative Commons]

About The Author

Tony J. Alicea

Tony Alicea is a writer who is passionate about the topics of identity and destiny. He blogs at Expect The Exceptional and he is the Communications Director for The Harbour Church in Fort Lauderdale, FL.

http://www.thechurchofnopeople.com Matt @ The Church of No People

Sounds like the same problem the Pharisees had – experts in the law, but they’ve missed God! They don’t even recognize Him when He’s standing in front of them.
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  Dude, I’ve been there too many times.
http://www.facebook.com/steve.martin.10485 Steve Martin

Great post, Tony.

I’m one of those who don’t read the Bible nearly as much as I should. I do dig in there now and then.

One of the easier tools for me, to keeps God’s Word in front of me on a daily basis is this:

http://1minutedailyword.com

It’s a very good and quick way to keep centered on Christ and His promises.

Thank you.
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  Thanks for sharing that, Steve.
http://www.jrforasteros.com JR. Forasteros

One time in youth group, I read all of Genesis and most of Exodus in one week because we got 10 points for every chapter. It was something like 750 points for my team. Actual growth? 0%

I wonder if part of our problem is that we equate the Bible with Jesus. Evangelicals especially call the Bible the “Word of God” when the Bible makes no such claim for itself. Quite the opposite – the Bible calls Jesus the Word of God.

The Scriptures are the witness to the Word of God. They are the journey of God’s people with God through history, and we are invited into that story. But – as you pointed out – it’s not the Scriptures themselves that are our journey, but the One the Scriptures testify to. (So maybe more like the Baptizer than Jesus?)

Some hear this and think I’m denigrating Scripture, but far from it. Just as you concluded, seeing Scripture like this frees us to love it for what it is.
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  “The Scriptures are the witness to the Word of God.”
  
  Yes, yes, yes. I love everything you wrote here JR. You nailed my feelings exactly.
http://www.sundijo.com Sundi Jo Graham

Wow Tony! Great post. Loving your honesty. Wish more men could be that vulnerable. Thanks for being an example to them, and to me. You’re awesome.
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  Thank you so much for the encouragement, Sundi!
http://www.ramblingbarba.com Ken Hagerman

I had a similar experience. Frustrated and angry I shouted out “I just don’t trust you, God.” Then went on to tell Him how I perceived His failing. He listened and let me discover I couldn’t be trusted that’s why I didn’t trust Him. Great post, Tony
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  I believe He LOVES when we take off the facade and just get real with Him. I was always taught that doing so is blasphemous but in reality, it’s the only way to cut through the exterior to get to our hearts.
  - http://www.ramblingbarba.com Ken Hagerman
    
    I was taught the same thing. It took getting beyond my ability to corral my emotions to overcome that thinking.
http://www.carisadel.com/ Caris Adel

Oh my gosh. This is exactly it, and to go along with it, I grew up memorizing so much of it. So now when I sit down to read it, I feel like I know all of the stories, and it can be boring to read. But those times when I’m reading it to be with him – those are the special times. But I can be with Him in other ways besides the Bible. I said this the other day to a women’s Bible study and they looked at me as if I had two heads. Of course the answer is to do your quiet time every.single.day. So this is perfectly encouraging.
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  I think that’s where we have so much trouble, don’t we? It’s in the tension between being intentional about our relationship with God and being mechanical. We can’t just wait until we “feel” like spending time with God but we can’t just do it out of obligation either. It’s the beautiful tension of relationship.
http://KatieAxelson.com/ Katie Axelson

Hey, Tony, I love this! I feel ya! I’ve gone through this many times. That’s the funny/annoying part, one day the words breathe life and truth into my tied soul and the next day no matter how much I read, it’s never enough. God is more than a book but it does say something powerful to Him when we show up every day to read His Word even when we’re try and it’s not filling us, even when we’re “not feeling it.”

Thank you for your honesty.

Katie
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  That’s true of any relationship, isn’t it? We just need to show up. It’s okay that we remove the pretense of perfection and be real. As long as we show up.
Jeremy

Tony,

Wow, your honesty hear is just amazing too me, bro. You know man, I don’t read scripture everyday…sometimes I wont’ read it for a week. My deal is I’ve never really felt guilty about not reading scripture…I mean, if I did…wouldn’t I read it more? But I do know that I definitely feel a sort of disconnect from God when I’m not in the Word….I don’t feel as strong in my faith. I find a struggle in how I really want to interact with God…do I want to read scripture? Pray? Watch some old religious Chuck Heston film that inspires me to reach out to God more in my daily life somehow?

I suppose in the end I have to remember that God is bigger than the words on a page or thoughts in our head…connecting with God has less to do with what I feel is the right way to connect with Him and more about what I know to be true of any relationship I have with someone in this life. And what I mean is this….Tony, I read your blog a long time before I ever reached out to you. Even in reading your words I didn’t get the full essence of you….but then by interacting personally and talking on the phone I got a better more detailed image of you…and this added detail made me feel more connected with you.

I don’t know, maybe I’m being over the top here, but that’s kinda how I feel about connecting with God right now.
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  Yes man, exactly! It’s the difference between two dimensions and three. Knowledge is two-dimensional but experience is 3D. Get your glasses on! 8)
http://twitter.com/bwitt722 Brianna DeWitt

I think your story is a great example of why we keep reading the Bible even when we don’t feel like it. We never know when it might be exactly what we need; not through our own doing, but by God’s grace. Sometimes it feels fake when I read my Bible simply because I know I should, but through the habit it slowly sinks in. Thanks for your words.
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  I totally agree with intentionality. That’s the tension though, isn’t it? Is it desire, intention, or obligation?
http://jasonandkelliwoodford.blogspot.com/ kelli woodford

Oh, man. This is good stuff.
If our experience with God only goes as deep as letters in red and black, then it is not meeting with the Almighty.
Gotta share your words. So needful.
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  Thanks, Kelli! It’s got to go beyond the pages!
http://popparables.com Keri

I grew up with this same mentality. What happened for me is that I started compartmentalizing God to my “devotional time”. After I spent a good 15 minutes in the Word each day, I felt that I had done what I needed to do to continue on in my journey with the Lord. It’s only been 20+ years later that I’ve realized that time with Him extends to every moment of my day. Sure, I need time in the Word. I even would say I crave that time. But, it’s only part of the journey.
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  Exactly, then on the flip side it felt like there was some kind of punishment or withholding of His goodness when I missed that devotional time. But that’s such a performance oriented perspective and He’s SO MUCH better than that.
http://www.facebook.com/jasonwert Jason Wert

I’ve been doing the Bible in a Year for about five years now and it’s fantastic for me. I love the daily grounding I get from digging into the Word first thing every morning. However, it’s like you said being about relationship…I do it because it allows me to get in mind with Him right away. Not for His approval because He loves me no matter what…
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  Amen. It’s easy to forget but I’m so thankful for when I’m reminded of that.
Cindy Holman

Good stuff, Tony. I grew up the same way – but like you I don’t feel guilty anymore. It took going through a rough time to help me see it too
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  Guilt is a terrible motivator, isn’t it?
Alison

Tony, I love this. I, too, was on the “gotta read it every day” treadmill, and the point came when it really was… pointless. I no longer beat myself up if I don’t. The relationship with God is 24-7, not limited to a specific time and place. Thanks!
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  Yes and as soon as I had permission to spend time with God outside of my devotional time, the relationship came alive!
Emily_Maynard

Tony, this is a BRAVE post .

I’ve felt the same way so many times. I grew up with intensive Bible study, heavy theology, and boxes of prizes for winning quizzes and drills, but I only ever read it on my own out of guilt or an attempt to control my spirituality.

I resonated strongly with this: “I need you to be more real than the words on this page!“

Now I’m finding new grace to read scripture in other translations (some people dislike it, but I read The Message version like a novel, it’s so good for me!), understand original language and translation methods, seek for historical context and a picture of the struggles of humans relating to God and each other rather than literal prescriptions for my modern life, and build a new relationship with a strange and beautiful and meaningful book that connects me to the vast expanse of faith.

And above all, I now know a God who uses words on pages, but also uses a patient voice in me, the laughter and tears of friends, and much wonder and mystery to relate to me.
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  Yes! God DEFINITELY speaks through food! And yeah, what you said here has been my journey. I do love the Word but not for the sake of knowledge (anymore) but for the sake of wonder. Only until I was completely undone by God’s goodness did I voluntarily want to take Him in consistently. Many times that is with His word but I no longer put him in the Bible box. He speaks through friends, food and funny (a bit of a stretch? I like alliteration) as well.
http://ineffableGod.com Jonathan Jacob

Great post, bro. I can totally relate to this. I’ve had my fair share of moments in my life where I approached the Word as something out of duty; memorizing scriptures, doing daily devo’s. Those things aren’t bad things by any means, but I wasn’t getting anything out of it. It’s a work in progress; knowing about Him vs actually knowing Him.
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  Yeah man, that difference is the game changer.
1lori_1

When my prayer and devotional time feel like I am ticking things off a task list, that is when I know I need to go back to square one and kneel at Jesus feet. Ask Him to make the Word alive to me once again. God wants us to be real, so He can be real to us. Great words here Tony…I have been here myself many times!
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  Thanks so much, Lori. I work well with lists so I’m naturally inclined to look at it this way. It’s been tough for me to do it as a delight and not as an obligation but I’m getting there!
http://twitter.com/jimhamlett Jim Hamlett

I’m an “old timer,” Tony, who grew up under this same cloud. I was decades into my walk with the Lord before I realized what you’ve stated so accurately here. Now, my desire for the Scriptures is free of guilt’s shackles. I’ve started a project of translating and recording the New Testament for my grandchildren. I’d like to make “listening” to the Word an enjoyable thing for them, plus leave a legacy behind. If I can make the recordings professional enough, I’ll probably offer them on my website as a free download. Kudos for being “brave” and offering some straight talk about the real function of the Scriptures. Soli Deo Gloria.
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  That sounds like a great project and a wonderful legacy to leave for your children, Jim. From your own experience, I’m sure you’ll be able to instill a proper understanding of the word to your kids. Not as a burden but as a delight. Not as an end in itself but as a means to point to Someone greater.
http://twitter.com/shalom08 Shalom

Great post, Tony! I don’t read the Bible that much but I see its story in the lives of the many Christians, like my parents, pastor, the writers of this online magazine (that includes you), etc. There’s a profound difference when you see the Bible being manifested this way. You see the word of God come alive.
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  I know what you mean. It’s the difference between theory and experience.
http://twitter.com/LivingOneHanded Ryan Haack

So good, brother. Loved it.
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  Thanks Ryan. I appreciate you, man!
Scott Holt

Tony thank you so much for sharing this article. So often I can read and read and not really connect Christ. it is so easy to become focused on the words on the page and not know the Author of the book. These verses in John came to mind as I read your article – John 5:39-40 (NLT) 39 You search the Scripture because you think they give you eternal life, but these Scriptures point to me! 40 Yet you refuse to come to me to receive this life.

This has been so true of my life, more often i think that the more words I know the more mature I think I am becoming. Your article was a great reminder of what the real purpose is, to know our Lord. Scriptures play a part in that but just a part. They are not an end in and of themselves

Thanks again for writing this
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  YES! That’s such a GREAT verse, Scott. That’s exactly what I’ve felt all too often. When I’ve finally been able to get past the words it’s been life-changing.
Pingback: Weekend Wanderings: Sept. 28 - www.nosuperheroes.com
http://ClayWrites.com/ Clay Morgan

Really enjoyed this Tony. Of course you always make me think. Thanks
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  Thanks Clay. Thinking is good.
http://twitter.com/JonathanMontan Jonathan Montan

AMEN brother…..you guys are writing about my life in your posts recently. Got a camera hidden here?
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  I know the feeling, Jonathan! I promise there’s no hidden cameras though!
Maranatha John

Yup! Sometimes we get caught up in the liturgic, man-prescribed motions of Christianity, not realizing that our faith is more of a relationship than a religion with “do’s” and “don’ts” And that’s the truth our quiet time with the Lord is supposed to substantiate in our lives. “Quiet time” by Dag Heward-Mills is the most didactic book I’ve seen on this topic. He explains that an effective quiet time with the Lord is the secret to the success in the life of every great man of God. He also goes on to explain how anyone can develop a relationship with God through a daily quiet time. It’s a must read for all Christians!
- http://www.tonyjalicea.com Tony J. Alicea
  
  Thanks for the recommendation, John!
http://twitter.com/Jim_Haw Jim Haw

Thanks for the good correction. Though it takes discipline to read the Bible, our purpose should always be to connect with the One the Scriptures were given to reveal. We need to be reminded of this, as you did so well. Otherwise we get caught in a legalistic ritual that becomes empty over time.
http://anokinashahbaz.com/ Anokina Shahbaz

Beautiful post Tony! Definitely relatable.. I’ve never read the bible cover to cover and used to feel guilty about it. But now I spend my time talking to God vs turning pages with words I don’t always understand. After all, He wants us to have a Relationship with him, not just read/preach about Him.
Steve Skeete

If you are saying “read the Bible daily for the right reason”, then I hear you. It certainly does not sound like you are saying, “don’t read the bible daily”. The Psalmist David said that he considered the word of God more important than his “daily food” – obviously, he thought it necessary to “engage” it on a daily basis. I like the discipline, as well as the sheer joy of reading the Bible through regularly. I also like what discovering truth does to and for me. My guidance in respect to bible reading is simple: after you have come to the realization that you can’t score points with God by reading the Bible daily, read it daily anyway!

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When The Bible Isn’t Enough

I believed reading the Bible was a mark of spiritual maturity.

The problem was that I knew more about the Bible but I didn’t really know God.

Reading the Bible wasn’t helping any of this.

I let myself feel all of the pain. And that’s when He met me.

I no longer read the Bible for Him. I read it for me.

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When The Bible Isn’t Enough

I believed reading the Bible was a mark of spiritual maturity.

The problem was that I knew more about the Bible but I didn’t really know God.

Reading the Bible wasn’t helping any of this.

I let myself feel all of the pain. And that’s when He met me.

I no longer read the Bible for Him. I read it for me.

About The Author

SUBSCRIBE

Subscribe to Prodigal Magazine

and get free stuff!

COLUMNISTS

Editorial

Speaking Up

Everyday Radical

Shades of Gray

POPULAR POSTS

The Gay Community and That One Time Jesus Called Me the ‘N-word’

The lost art of servanthood (a letter to my feminist sisters)

Modesty, Lust and My Responsibility

On Homosexuality: It’s OK to Fight

The Day I Turned in My V-Card

INSTAGRAM

About Prodigal Magazine

Site

Partners