A while ago I wrote an article saying that I thought that “dream girls” didn’t exist. I think about 5 people read it and left some comments, but overall, it was probably just left alone. It was a pretty brutal article, maybe offensive, someone said “cynical and bitter,” but I was really trying to be more funny than I was angry. My lack of writing experience was probably the article’s biggest deterrent to its effectiveness. That said, sorry if you were the few that read it and were offended and I hurt your sensitive little hearts; I really didn’t mean it.
On November 21st, 2009 I married my best friend. We didn’t have a perfect engagement (although the wedding was pretty awesome!) But we worked through a lot of differences through counsel and prayer and God’s grace before we got married. I felt pretty bad after I wrote that first article because I wrote it before we were married and she read it and then I realized she probably thought I thought she wasn’t my ideal or “perfect” wife to-be. She thought I detested romantic comedies and we fought over the fact that maybe sometimes she wanted to watch The Notebook with me and why couldn’t I just get over myself for a second and watch the movie with her? So I just deleted that old post because it wasn’t as effective as I was hoping for and my infantile humor more was clearly portrayed through the written word.
I was trying to say that sometimes God uses our spouses or the people we’re in closest relationship with to reveal some of the deepest ugliness in us to purge us and to make us more into the image of his son. When we look to our spouses as an asset that we can then extract our needs from, we’ve gone astray in our thinking. Perhaps God puts in in our most intimate relationship to show us what he wishes to extract from us – the ugliness we wish to conceal. To put it more plainly: God uses marriage to make us more holy than he does to make us happy. That’s not to say that the two are mutually exclusive, that you can’t be holy and be happy, I was just trying to say that there should be a priority in how we choose our spouse. Will this person draw me closer to God by speaking truth-in-love to me or will they merely deny my inefficiencies? Will they give me grace when I need it? Is this relationship built on a spiritual foundation or on looks and lust?
Someone very wise once told me that there are a million dream girls out there but not a million right girls. I’ve definitely found the right girl for me. I can list all the beautiful physical qualities about her, you know, the stuff that guys are usually drawn to first, but I’m growing more in love with the person that reads her bible next to me in the morning and prays through the alphabet with me. I know love isn’t just about spiritual disciplines, but it also isn’t about what you think you can get from that person. Maybe that’s what I was trying to say all along; let God bring someone to you, let him show you what love is, let him dream of someone for you. His dreams are a lot bigger than ours. Follow his dreams.
September 12th, 2010 at 7:18 am
I did not see the first article (new to this site) but I agree with the realization that we pursue a romantic ideal that does not exist. God does reveal himself and in turn expose us in and through relationships. The purpose of marriage is not to have a good or even great marriage. It is to reveal the character and nature of God. Marriage was designed before the foundation of the world for that purpose. A man and women, having never met, who love God and pursue him can be joined in marriage and as they pursue God will become the fulfillment of God’s plan and each other’s dreams. Lifelong friends and the most passionate lovers can be joined in marriage and if they do not pursue God, the marriage has little or no value. It misses the point and the dream.
Related perhaps – http://www.readbookonline.net/readOnLine/2464/ but then I do love Kipling.
September 21st, 2010 at 9:01 pm
I read your first article and (admittedly) was appalled. Reading this however has helped me see and agree with your original post. I see you’ve grown better in your writing skills and totally click with this article. God bless your marriage man, and keep writing.