Okay, so what’s the point? It is critically important to be aware of the direction and employment of our energy. It is our “personal power” as author and motivator extraordinaire Anthony Robbins would term it. If we permit our energy to be disrupted we run the risk of at best, not achieving our goals and at worst – the proverbial burnout! So, what is your focus? Where is your energy? Is it being used or disrupted? Is it focused and powerful or is it weak or being transferred, stored, or in the worst case scenario, depleted?

For many of us, regardless of our circumstances, the stresses of daily living (or surviving as may be the case for an ever increasing number of us today) drain our physical, mental and emotional batteries with each new event, depleting or exhausting our energy resources. Even with advances in technology and medicine many people today, at every age level, are losing their precious “personal power” one distraction at a time. None of us intends to have more day left at the end of our oomph but, it happens, and usually without us even knowing how!

A number of years ago I had the privilege of working as an industrial engineering supervisor with United Parcel Service. As a part of my training I performed elemental time studies and methods evaluations on package car drivers and what I learned I think has application here. After careful analysis I found that most drivers who lost time, when compared with a predetermined method, lost that time unintentionally and in small increments. They weren’t slow; they were losing time a few imperceptible seconds each minute, unintentionally throughout their day. Of course, time was money for “The tightest ship in the shipping business.” When the driver corrected the methods they used to accomplish their daily routines the lost time disappeared.     

I believe the same is true of our disappearing energies. Our power isn’t usually sapped by one catastrophic occurrence, but by little, almost unnoticeable distractions permeating our worlds. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the kids or an interruption at work or a driver cutting us off in traffic, when our focus is interrupted we lose a little bit of energy. That’s not the worst of it. If, in our minds, the interruption throws us completely off kilter and the distraction becomes a sustained nuisance we can lose a significant amount of stored energy that we intended to use to accomplish our goals.

The associated thoughts spiraling and fuming within us during and immediately following an incident can often cause a significant shift in our mindset and a subsequent continuous drain on our energy levels.

In reality most things are minor issues yet they have the potential to divert us from investing our energy into positive, dynamic thoughts and actions which would produce, perhaps, a more pleasurable or intended outcome.

I have experienced this diversion of energy and loss of focus first hand and I have seen it in others and the result is almost always the same. At best, it takes time (another loss of a non-recoverable resource) to get back on track with our thoughts and then our actions related to our priority. At worst, we are so distracted by just one incident that it bleeds over into other facets of our day. They, in turn, also sap our energy until, at the end of the day, week, month, year or lifetime we have lost total focus of our objectives.

Whew! I’m glad that’s behind me because now I want to get at the how-to’s of all of this. I believe we can maintain our focus and reserve the necessary energy for achievement by following a few simple rules:

• 1) Get rid of your ego (the unhealthy side, that is) and be in the present with yourself and everyone around you. I have learned through study and experience how debilitating the ego can be to a relationship(s), the execution of goals and the pursuit of happiness. When we place greater importance on obtaining what we want in lieu of remaining in tune with the present and open to the possibilities we are often robbed of time and energy. When we are distracted from the present moments focus to dwell on a past or future desire that isn’t yet a reality we are wasting valuable time where energy can be invested productively. If you are looking for reasons why this is so I suggest you begin to search within, because so much more will be revealed to you on that journey. For now I think it wiser only to share my experience.

• 2) Decide what really matters and practice it with all of your heart. If you have a hard time deciding, ask yourself “Why am I here?” After you begin your search for or get the answer to that question, then; don’t look back and don’t turn back. Limit the possibilities of external interference to the achievement of your goal or mission’s success and focus, focus, focus! Remember, distractions can sap you of your energy, so play the odds and limit the opportunities for disruption.

• 3) Incorporate teamwork. There is no need to venture out or go “it” alone. By “it” I mean life or any goal within it that you may choose to pursue. Creating a team to help you live life and accomplish goals not only enables your success, it multiplies and distributes it, often to those who need most what you have to offer. Human interaction promotes human growth. By including others in your life and in your projects you are inadvertently promoting and producing a positive energy – fuel for the mind and for the heart and for the spirit that will propel you to an unimaginable finish. At the same time, you may be taking someone else with you whose need and journey is even greater than yours. Or, better yet, you may be the spark to a friends own personal journey which increases their focus and energy!

• 4) Initiate and maintain healthy physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual habits. If you are having difficulty determining for yourself what healthy habits are, this would be a great reason to incorporate teamwork. Get help, find a friend, find a coach, but get going. Increase your opportunity by starting as early in life as possible building strong, healthy habits. Even in today’s difficult economy I promise you that developing positive health behavior will pay a dividend of focus and energy far in excess of any investment in them you could possibly make. I ask you not to believe me, but try it, right away. The longer you wait the more momentum it will take to begin.

• 5) Choose! This life is a life of choices. They are indeed abundant, but you must choose or you run the risk of boldly going nowhere. Whether you get there fast or slow doesn’t really matter does it? All of us need the gifts and talents of those with whom we share this world and life. In case you hadn’t noticed, we’re connected.

So, I implore you to choose to find your focus and increase your energy by getting rid of your ego, deciding what really matters, incorporate teamwork into your life, initiate a healthy lifestyle and choose to put your gifts to work for the benefit of all. Pursue your life’s mission with zest, fervor and faith. If you follow this brief recommendation I’m confident your focus will crystallize and your energy will escalate bringing you closer to the life you desire. Living a full and productive life essentially requires two things – a decision to begin and focused energetic action to finish what you start. For all of our sakes, please get started!

Here is a cool little exercise on focus.

Stare at the four black dots in the center of the image for 30 – 60 seconds.
Then quickly close your eyes and look at something bright (like a lamp or a window
with sunlight coming through it). You should see a white circle with an image inside it.

Fuming, I walked away from the disaster which had just transpired.  Then, I gathered a couple colleagues and we all came to the determination that a follow-up conversation was necessary.  I wasn’t looking forward to it.  I hate the type of conversation I knew was necessary.  But, after chewing and brewing on my own feelings of disrespect and anger, I summoned the employee to my office, fully ready to unleash a tirade.  Needless to say, things didn’t go so well.

I’ve never been the type of person who enjoys relational conflict.  Yes, I was a hockey player.  Which I know should make me tough as nails, but on the ice I always had pads and a stick to protect myself if trouble arose.  Off the ice, in the office, there are no pads and sticks, only words and fists.  And I’ve spent most of my life doing all I can to avoid any type of stressful, emotion-filled encounter and the accusations, yelling, denials, anger, hostility, and potential violence relational conflicts often create.

However, in my current job as a manager, I have had to face my inner fears.  Not that I have become a big jerk who revels in running around the office red-faced and hollering at everyone, but I’ve come to learn the importance of holding people accountable to do their jobs and do what is right.  This means there are times when I must have tough conversations with individuals who are missing the mark in some way or another. 

By no means am I now a pro at this.  Undoing 27 years of avoidance doesn’t happen overnight.  Having corrective conversations with people is still a skill in my leadership repertoire that needs some development.  No matter how many times I do it, when I know I’m going to sit an employee down and deliver a hard message, the fear monster from my past arises within me and tries to dissuade me from taking action.  He works overtime, trying to persuade me to ignore the problem and avoid a confrontation. But following through on these situations is essential. It helps me develop the disciplinary edge that all great leaders have in some form and it holds employees accountable – all of which contributes to strong leadership and great results for the company.

I consider myself on a leadership journey.  If you are on a manager on leadership journey of your own, here are 5 tips for having those hard conversations with your employees.

 
1. Gather the facts and have a plan

Don’t have a hard conversation off the cuff.  What usually happens if you do, is that you get flustered, which can lead to you missing the point or saying things you don’t really mean.  Take a second beforehand to think through exactly what you want to say in your conversation.  Make a list of all the facts if need be.  It is also beneficial to try and predict any possible objections the other person might have so that you can have a response prepared ahead of time.

2. Make sure your emotions are in check

We’ve all experienced the need for this technique at one time or another.  When tempers are flaring things almost always get blown out of proportion and more harm is done than good.  It is best to take a brief ‘cool down’ period to let the emotions settle.  Then you can sort out what you want to focus on the most and communicate that effectively.

3. Engage the other person as quickly as possible

My tendency, when I knew a hard conversation was needed, was to put if off until another time or day.  I would make excuses why ‘now’ wasn’t the right time.  Unfortunately, this would lead to never having the conversation all together.  Now I make it a point to force myself to engage the other person in a timely manner.  When you have conversations in a quickly the issue is still fresh in the minds of all parties and it is much more difficult for excuses to be made as to why the inappropriate behavior or performance occurred.

4. Focus on a person’s positives and value first

One fatal flaw in the conversation I referenced at the beginning of this article is that I didn’t realize I was dealing with a person who was feeling under-appreciated and unvalued.  Since that day, I put in the effort to start out all my corrective conversations by praising the other person for the things they are doing well.  I try to communicate how much I value them.  After establishing the worth of the other person, I can express to them what needs to change in a way that is less likely to lead to defensiveness and anger.

5. Always be consistent with the enforcement of your expectations

When building a reputation as a manager you must be consistent in the enforcement of your expectations.  Corrective conversations are much easier when all parties know you are simply following through on what you demand of your people.  Being consistent takes away the excuse of the other person that you are picking on them or singling them out.  Avoiding any appearance of favoritism will go a long way in establishing your credibility as a leader.

Conclusion

Corrective conversations are never easy.  I still wrestle with that wimpy internal voice that tells me to just overlook an infraction and avoid a confrontation.  But strong leaders must hold their people accountable.  Having hard conversations, in the right way, builds a stronger workplace because people know that, on the one hand they valued, and on the other hand, they will be held accountable for their actions. 

I’ve since had to have another corrective conversation with the employee I mentioned earlier.  This time I gathered the facts and had a plan, kept my emotions in check, engaged him quickly, focused on his positives and value first, and reminded him of my consistent enforcement of the expectations.  Needless to say, things went very well!