Everyday Radical: To The Last Virgins Standing


Dear sixteen-year-old Emily,

In a few days Brent will dump you. The coolest guy in school. A basketball star. And you will wonder if you should have let him. If you should have pulled the Kleenex from your bra and the bra from your body and let him.

But you didn’t, and I know you feel like the last virgin standing —

but you’re not. In two years you’ll meet a man at Bible School–a place you said you’d never meet anyone because it’s too cliche–who is waiting for you. Who’s only kissed two other girls, who will wait six months to kiss you (his Dutch grandmother will kiss you on your lips before he does) and the only time you’ll ever see him cry will be when you tell him what you’ve done with other boys.

He’ll cry because he wants to marry you. And even though you didn’t ever let anyone make it home, they still tried to round the bases. And he’s waited his whole life to hold your hand.

Shortly after he dumps you, Brent will get another girl pregnant and they’ll have a baby together.

It’s not worth undoing your buttons for, honey.

In a few days your mother will hear you sobbing on your bed, after he breaks up with you in the courtyard of the school because “you’re just too nice,” he’ll say.

She’ll knock on your bedroom door and bring you a bouquet of red roses, and when you take them from her, your fingers will bleed a little, just like your body will on your wedding night, when you give it away to the Bible School boy who dressed up in his army uniform and showed up on your doorstep and asked you to take a walk with him.

The boy who will teach you not to be afraid. The boy who will kiss you, finally, in the rain. The boy who will hold you while you can’t sleep for the insomnia and the anorexia and the anxiety, the boy who will bring you ice chips as you give birth to the first of two sons, the boy who will ask you to take walks with him every day of your life, for the rest of your life, till death do us part.

Dear past self, in a few days you’ll be crying on your bed —

while your mum holds you and you grip a bouquet of bloody roses. But this too shall pass. Don’t remove that purity ring. Because it’s more than a ring. It’s a declaration that you believe in the kind of love that saves. A salvation kind of love. A love that lasts longer than a few dates and a few passionate make-out sessions.

The world has all but given up on that kind of love. And in a few years, your boy and you will share with a bunch of Young Life students about how you waited. And they’ll ask if you wonder what you missed out on, by having sex with only one person.

And you’ll look at them and say, Do you know what you miss by having sex with more than one person? Have you ever wondered what it’s like to know that the person you’re with has only ever seen and touched you? That when they make love with you, they’re only thinking about you, and that you’re beyond compare?

Then you’ll take each other’s hand.

Yes, you will say. We’re glad we waited.

And the students won’t respond, but in their hearts, perhaps they’ll be applauding.

For the last virgins standing.

Love,

Your Future Self, at 32.

[Photo: Pink Sherbet Photography, Creative Commons]

  • Mike

    This is beautiful.

    • Emily Wierenga

      thanks so much mike! blessings. e.

  • Patricia W Hunter

    So beautiful, Em. So very, very beautiful. xox

    • Emily Wierenga

      so are you, sweet patricia. xo

  • Elise

    Wow! This is beautiful, Emily! Thank you. :)

    • Emily Wierenga

      thanks so much elise!

  • aviendha

    32 and still the last virgin standing :) still to kiss a boy and still waiting…

    • http://www.leafbyjana.com/ Jana Gering

      33, same boat…

      • Lindsay

        Me too! 32 and waiting.

        • mary

          36 and counting

          • Emily Wierenga

            wow, just so, so inspiring… thank you for sharing!!!

        • Kelly

          Kelly here…32 virgin. Kissed a my best friend at 21 but he died from cystic fibrosis a year later. Stay strong. Wanted to join your 30′$ virgin choir. We are such in Jesus. Stay strong! Stay blessed! :) Love to all!!

          • Kelly

            Rich in Jesus. Ha.phone typo. Forgive!

          • Emily Wierenga

            oh kelly, my heart aches for your loss… i’m so glad you could kiss him though before he passed away. yes. stay strong. God will bless you all. i’m sure of it.

        • Emily Wierenga

          SO proud of you lindsay. many blessings!!

      • Emily Wierenga

        incredible! so many blessings on you jana. it will be worth it.

      • Emily Wierenga

        woot!!

    • Emily Wierenga

      i have a 52-year-old friend who’s still waiting too … i know it’s not easy… i am truly so humbled by people like you, friend, and the way you’re honoring God. bless you.

    • spokenfor

      32 and still waiting. I’ve met a man who I hope God will join me together with and he is waiting too. We may feel like unicorns, but it’s a wonderful feeling

      • Emily Wierenga

        unicorns are incredibly mysterious and beautiful :) so proud of you.

    • Emily Wierenga

      SO amazing…

  • RinaMaduro

    Wow! Very beautifuuuullll!!! Really worth the waiting!

    • Emily Wierenga

      yes! really worth the waiting. bless you!

  • http://godspotting.net Sheila Seiler Lagrand

    I’m breathless–just amazed at what you can wrap words around, Em. xoxo

    • Emily Wierenga

      you always make me feel so good, sheila. love to you friend. xo

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Elizabeth-Marshall/100003787446405 Elizabeth Marshall

    Oh Emily, I am speechless, breathless by the beauty and tenderness of this, of you, of your marriage, and our God. You will touch many with this story, this Truth.

    • Emily Wierenga

      oh elizabeth :) thank you.

  • sonika

    Ahhhhh you make me smile, Emily. I’ve been waiting to marry since I was 16 (I’ll be 22 this week), but many say that I “read” older than I am…in one friend’s words, “like a 30-year-old mother of 3.” LOL :) And I fell in love with a man, almost kissed him last summer, but it wasn’t right and it wrenched my heart to pull away. Still waiting…still.

    • Emily Wierenga

      oh friend, i applaud you for waiting even when it’s hard. for pulling away and waiting for “the one.” love to you sonika. xo

  • Ro elliott

    Em….you wrote this so beautifully…a voice crying in the wilderness…truth words fill with love!

    • Emily Wierenga

      a voice crying in the wilderness… yes. there are so many lonely ones out there, waiting, trying to be faithful. it’s so hard in this society… we need to uphold them in prayer. love to you.

  • http://youaremygirls.com/ Jennifer Camp

    Emily, wow. Oh, your courage, your confidence in staying true, despite the pressure. Beautiful, friend. Thank you.

    • Emily Wierenga

      Thanks Jennifer! I love the way you’re ministering to young women every day. Bless you friend.

  • http://www.michaelvuke.com/ Michael Vuke

    Thank you for this, Emily. Sometimes it gets overwhelming, feeling like you’re the only guy (or girl) who has waited for physical intimacy, whether that is being a virgin or being a 21-year old who hasn’t ever kissed someone in a romantic way.

    Reading this made me sad, but it also gave me hope. It is truly beautiful.

    • Emily Wierenga

      So appreciate your honesty, Michael. Yes. Overwhelming is a good word. May God bless you abundantly for being faithful. e.

  • http://twitter.com/jimhamlett Jim Hamlett

    Well done, Emily. And thanks for waving the flag to our young women who struggle with the waiting game.

    • Emily Wierenga

      Thanks Jim. So appreciate your encouragement. Blessings, e.

  • Ashley Haupt

    Emily-friend, BRAVO. I applaud you in this piece. We have grace for those who have fallen, so much grace, but we need to also cheer on those who make it to the altar. I cheer you and Trent and all the rest.

    • Emily Wierenga

      i love how you remind us to have grace here for everyone, ashley. YES. we all are fallen. and this is just my personal story… i know there are SO many stories out there, and would never presume to generalize. thank you for your heart. xoxo

  • http://aloveaffairwithwords.blogspot.com Jenn

    “Do you know what you miss by having sex with more than one person?”

    I love this. It’s so true, and yet something that’s rarely said in our culture today. Thank you for sharing.

    • Emily Wierenga

      thanks jenn. hope you have a wonderful day!

  • smoothstones

    Proud of your example.

    • Emily Wierenga

      thank you sweet brandee. love you.

  • http://www.giraffesandladybugs.blogspot.com/ Grace Elizabeth

    Thank You, SO encourages, pressure from all around to say its okay. But its not and sometimes there is a call to say ‘no’ despite what every one else is screaming. Thank you Emily!

    • Emily Wierenga

      YES. “NO” is definitely okay! stay strong friend. bless you.

  • Lindsay

    32 and still waiting! Thanks for sharing, Emily! I also really liked Ashley Haupt’s comment about giving grace to the fallen & cheering on those who make it to the altar. Both responses are needed in the Christian community.

    • Emily Wierenga

      YES!!! exactly. we need to look at BOTH sides. love your heart lindsay. and love that you’re waiting. xo

  • http://sandraheskaking.com/ Sandra Heska King

    Held captive by every. single. word. You are a treasure. xoxo

    • Emily Wierenga

      love you dear sandra. thanks for always believing in me. xo

  • http://twitter.com/bwitt722 Brianna DeWitt

    I wish this comment box could convey the sound of my uproarious applause. Thank you thank you thank you for the these beautiful words.

    • Emily Wierenga

      wow brianna… your words captured it. i feel so humbled. thank you!!!

  • Cristina

    I’m going to veer off the path here and voice what my first reaction to this was. I am 27, a virgin, and will wait until marriage to do ANYTHING remotely sexual, but this piece put my hackles up a bit.

    This came across as patronizing to women/girls. It communicated that Christian men/boys don’t make mistakes, don’t have regrets, and define our worth. And if we can just wait, and hate ourselves for our sins, hate our bodies, then a man will come along and sweep us away. Because HE doesn’t have a past or regrets. Wait for perfect Prince Charming Bible School and beg for his love and forgiveness for allowing others to “round the bases”. Be eternally grateful he chose you DESPITE your shameful flaws. Spend the rest of your life grateful for him, your lord and savior, flawless and mighty, who forgave you from the depths…wait…I thought Someone Else was supposed to do that for us? Someone who was and is both God and human? Someone who will do the very same for your future mate? Someone who will save him from his struggles, forgive him his sins, and bring you together, both broken and sinful, yet made holy and righteous, for a blessed union in marriage. A marriage that will TOGETHER reflect His abundant grace and mercy.

    I understand you are writing to women, not men. I understand how sacred and blessed it is to wait until marriage. And I understand that yes, there are men who do not have many blemishes on their past compared to their wives. But there are women who remained pure whose husbands did not. There are mighty Christian marriages whose men and women have sordid pasts, despicable skeletons in the closet. But these men and women laid those at the foot of the Cross, not at each other’s feet.

    I am not a feminist. I am a realist. I believe women of God should draw their worth and strength from God. A man can never fulfill that part of a woman, nor is he meant to. Young women must understand, through teaching from their parents (dads especially), Christian mentors/teachers, and sisters and brothers in Christ, that they are loved beyond measure or compare by a God who will capture their heart far past the abilities of any man, and must seek fulfillment from Him. It is a wonderful and beautiful thing to find your match in life, your spouse, but it is a terrible and disappointing thing to think he will meet all your needs.

    • Emily Wierenga

      Cristina, I love that you said this. And I agree, one hundred percent. Applauding for YOU. e.

    • YourStandardIsNotGods

      cristina. your words are truly inspiring. i am a hopeless idealist and wish that my wife and i could go back in time and ‘redo’ all of the bad decisions and mistakes we made with others before we married. to this day i hold regret for both of our selfish behaviors. but as you say we live in a world of realism, and the only place of comfort and redemption is at the foot of cross. humans fail, but god never does. thank you.

  • http://twitter.com/achosenwarrior Ruth Martin

    shew. this spoke volumes to me. thanks for being gut-real

    • Emily Wierenga

      i’m so glad dear ruth. peace to you, friend. e.

  • http://beinghappygirl.blogspot.com happygirl

    You are blessed and in the blessing, you bless others. I wish I could tell this story, but I can’t. I you were his princess and he was your knight in shining armor.

    • Emily Wierenga

      oh friend, you show me such grace in this response. thank you. love you. xo

  • D

    I am printing this to save it for discussion with my daughter(now 12) in the future. Thank you for the gift of your words.

    • Emily Wierenga

      LOVE that you care so much about her and her purity, friend. bless you.

  • Lisa

    I highly recommend the book Sex, Dating, and Relationships by Gerald Hiestand and Jay Thomas. It will clarify God’s view on purity unlike anything I have ever read. My pastor when I was a student at Wheaton College, Kent Hughes, gives the book high praise. Our older children have read it and are sharing it with their friends.

    • Lisa

      Proper theology yields three distinct categories of relationships: neighbor, family and marriage. Anything sexual, including “romantic kissing”, belongs solely in the marriage relationship, solely between a husband and wife. If you would not engage in an activity (physical contact) with your brother, sister, mother, father, etc. it is also inappropriate to do so with your date. Christ patiently waits for his sole bride, the Church. Marriage is a earthly “type” (picture) of this reality.

    • Emily Wierenga

      thanks for sharing lisa!

  • Erika

    Thank you so much for this. Your words capture life in a way that reflects much of how I experience it, and I appreciate your willingness to share your story with both its pain and triumphs. I’m 31 and still a virgin, but only because of God’s mercy and grace. I can’t tell you the number of times I have had “the” conversation with guys about this. They go from being interested and excited about me to silent and dropping off the face of the earth. I have the conversation over and over. It always goes the same way. I often feel the way you felt, wondering if he would love me or stay if I gave him what he wanted..because I just want to be loved. I bring it up quite quickly into a dating or getting to know someone situation now because I don’t want myself to get emotionally attached to someone who is so focused on one aspect of life that they can’t see the real me behind their desires. Sadly, this doesn’t seem to matter much whether the guy believes in God or not. And that is something I ask about very early on. In my mind, a man should be honoured by the loyalty a woman shows to her future husband, and any guy should find that quality attractive. It is a far more beautiful thing than we often see around us. Our culture of instant gratification really messes with us.

    I believe not only do we honour God, but He honours us when we make choices that are best for us. I don’t assume that I will find a man who has also waited because it seems that is even more rare (and I do know many single women in their 30′s who are waiting).

    I agree that our focus needs to be on God, our Father. He knows our needs and the desires of our hearts (and if we surrender to him, He will put His desires for us into our hearts, which is a more accurate translation and paraphrase of the Bible verse than that which Christian Mingle uses. How embarrassing for us (the Christian community) that it exists and puts things out their website like “find the one God intended for you.” Not all of us are destined for marriage. I long for it…I really do, so much. It hurts to be alone. It hurts to be the one who does everything by herself when her friends aren’t available because they have their families or just because that’s what you do. It hurts to have so many life experiences and not have a person to share them with. It hurts to struggle and be dragged through an earthly hell and not be a priority to someone and to feel like you’re suffering alone. I love Jesus more and more every day (never thought I’d say that and mean it) but sometimes I feel desperate to experience some of him “with skin on.” God’s timing is not my timing and my Father knows me better than I know myself. If I don’t marry, I trust that HE will be everything I need and more. I struggle with this but sometimes trusting is an act of obedience and has nothing to do with feeling or authenticity.

    Thank you again. Looking forward to reading your book.

    • Courtney

      I love what you say about God’s grace here-that’s the only thing that kept me from making mistakes with boys much like the men you’ve described.
      And oh, lovely, you are not alone in the waiting. My longing is different (a baby, specifically) but I know the sting of feeling other. But I also know that God has good things for us! And it’s exhausting to cling to that, but I do-what you said about trusting as obedience is exactly where I’m at. Thank you for sharing your story.

      • Emily Wierenga

        oh courtney, i love how you reach out to others in spite of your own pain. may you know the beautiful gift of a baby. bless you.

    • Emily Wierenga

      i love this erika. i love your heart. and i KNOW God will honor you. keep being faithful friend. bless you. e.

    • Vero

      I understand…there is a lot of pain in the waiting not just freedom and peace. I didn’t meet my husband til I was 31. And hilariously we did meet on christianmingle…nothing wrong with expanding your friend base if you are ready to get married and feel called to that kind of life. Single or married you still have to rely on God everyday and trust him. Your on the right track…don’t fight those feelings. I felt the loneliness at times. When I felt the loneliness i just spent more time with other people and that took the edge off. (People who were lonely like me, sick or unfulfilled in some area of their life.) Some of those people were married. Marriage doesn’t mean you won’t ever feel lonely again either. My husband and I both waited for marriage and don’t regret it…the rewards reaped make us feel like we could have waited even longer if necessary. The point was serving God with our sexuality and not our own desires or will. I can look at my husband today and say I’m glad I obeyed God and you obeyed God because it helps me trust that you will keep serving God with your sexuality even though we are married now. Marriage has its own type of abstinence….one man one woman. It’s ok to obey even when you aren’t feeling it. There will be days you do and days you don’t.

      • YourStandardIsNotGods

        well said. ‘one man (only) one woman (only)’ is the true definition of monogamy. our culture has tried to corrupt the definition by saying that a series of successive ‘faithful’ relationships can each be labeled as ‘monogamous’. nothing could be further from the truth, and if it is not truth, then it is a lie, and we know where lies originate.

    • YourStandardIsNotGods

      you are a treasure! thank you for sharing your heart.

  • http://www.redemptionsbeauty.com/ Shelly Miller

    So thankful that this is my story too. That I can tell my children why its worth waiting, when the pressure is not to. You wrote this so beautifully and look at how it touched the masses in the shares! woot!

    • Emily Wierenga

      it is such a gift to be able to give our children, isn’t it shelly? love you friend.

  • http://www.tanyamarlow.com/ Tanya Marlow

    I am glad to say that this is my story too. I never know how to share it without sounding either judgemental or prudish – but it’s SO important.

    I’m humbled and so encouraged by the testimony of so many commenters who have waited and are still waiting. It is good to be gracious to those who have sinned sexually and declare that wonderful cleansing forgiveness of Jesus who makes all things new – but oh! it is also good to celebrate purity, which often comes at great sacrifice. I am so thankful for you doing just that.

  • Elise Daly Parker

    Beautiful. I’m weeping. Our teenagers are up against such pressure to give more than they even want to. So appreciate the grace extended too. And the truth of what Cristina had to say. I love my husband very much, but I had romanticized marriage by expecting him to make me feel whole and full…only God!!

    • Emily Wierenga

      YES. only God. love your heart Elise.

  • Gretchen

    People say it’s rare to wait for marriage anymore and maybe it is, but that makes it that much more important to me that my husband and I did.

    • Emily Wierenga

      AMEN.

  • http://www.nebraskagraceful.blogspot.com Michelle DeRusha

    Wow, Emily. You are a rock-star – so brave, so true and honest with your words. And you do it in a way to make those of us who didn’t make the same decision not feel badly either. You are GRACE in print.

    • Emily Wierenga

      wow michelle. this means the world to me. thank you friend.

  • http://twitter.com/CarolHulin Carol Hulin

    Emily, I posted on your site too, but I wanted to say thank you. I`m 51 and didn`t wait. I wasn`t a Christian. I didn`t know the importance of waiting.
    To you out there still waiting, trust me, it`s worth the wait. To Emily, I`m so glad you waited.
    Please keep telling teens and young adults about this. It is important.
    Thank you for posting this…..

    • Emily Wierenga

      oh Carol, like I said on my blog to your comment, I so appreciate your vulnerability and your willingness to minister to others in spite of your own pain.you are truly selfless. may God bless you.

  • Common Sense

    Quite frankly, I am shocked that there are not more individuals appalled by this article. Aside from the fact that I personally disagree with the fact that all Christians must not have sex before marriage in order to be biblical, there are many other aspects I find quite disturbing.

    1. Jesus teaches us to live a life of nonviolence, regardless of our circumstances or however necessary we think it violence may be. Her “bible school” boyfriend/husband is wearing an army uniform, which I would assume means he is in the army. My question is, how is it more damaging to have sex before marriage than it is to be in a situation that may require you to kill other people? If I remember correctly, Jesus does not speak once about sex outside of marriage, especially if it is still within a loving relationship, but instead focuses on condemning issues such as the organized religion, violence, and oppression. I just cannot understand how sex is so hurtful, and causes TEARS (the only time he cried), but violent fighting and killing is completely fine.

    2. In the bible, woman married as soon as they hit puberty, and men would often sleep with temple prostitutes even before they were married. While I do not condone this behavior, we have to understand the major cultural differences between then and now. God made us as sexual beings, and it is just not realistic to wait until you’re 25 or 30 to have sex. This is not natural.

    3. THINGS DON’T HAPPEN LIKE THIS! We have to stop sugar coating, and creating unrealistic romantic expectations for our fellow Christians. You will not meet the PERFECT guy/girl for you. Humans aren’t perfect, relationships take work, and they’re super screwed up a lot of the time. Love is there, and should be there, but to romantasize everything is most definitely not helpful, and contributes greatly to loneliness and depression in our world today.

    4. Articles like this create the most unhealthy guilt in young Christians. No, you will not always be guilty if you have sex outside of marriage. If you do have sex outside of marriage, and hold onto that regret you will RUIN yourself. Sex outside of marriage CAN be good, and I believe it’s destructive to say otherwise. Yes, if you live in constant regret sex with your future partner/husband will not be as good. If you realize you can’t change it, and should view it as a positive experience that you were able to share with someone who (hopefully) meant something to you, you will live a much happier lifestyle.

    5. If you stop worrying about finding the “perfect” or “right” person for you, you will be happier. There is no right person for you. There are many right people out there for you that you could be happy with.

    6. I am a Christian, I am single, never married, have had sex, and am much happier with my life than many other Christians I know who believe ridiculous things as stated in this article. Please start focusing on issues Jesus actually stressed during his life on earth, such as caring for and loving the oppressed, widows, and orphans. There are 27,000,000 people enslaved in this world today, making your clothes, chocolate, coffee, and much more (research it). Young girls starting at age three are violently beaten, gang raped, and forced into slavery all over the world (including North America – research it, it’s called human trafficking). This is COMMON and happening RIGHT NOW. Why are we concerned about our sex lives, and others sex lives, when we should be trying to put a stop the the million injustices happening in our world right now.

  • Brian

    Keep up the good work Emily. As a male, it’s difficult to watch women struggle with these issues and not be able to do anything. There’s only so much I can say to a female about rejecting society’s pressures because of the gender differences but now I can point them in your direction.

  • Brian

    Thanks for posting! It amazes me how touchy this subject is. I’m a virgin male college student and when people (granted, college students) learn that they take it almost offensively. I think the pressures from society on this issue is so strong to “try before you buy” that not having multiple partners seems unintelligent and pompous to others. We want love to go our way so badly, that we have reshaped sexual moral code into relativistic conformity. As a male, it’s difficult to have any worth when trying to help a female struggling with sexual/body image issues because of the gender difference but it’s good to know I can point them in your direction in the future.

    • Emily Wierenga

      Wow Brian I love this: We want love to go our way so badly, that we have reshaped sexual moral code into relativistic conformity. SO true. Bless you as you stand firm. God is faithful.

    • Vero

      It’s not true from my experience. My husband and I both chose to wait and trust me virgins can still be great even if they aren’t tried. That phrase makes marriage to someone based on sex and the majority of our time in marriage is not. Good communication and openness along with a healthy viewpoint of sex make sex good in marriage. Knowing someone loves you for more than just that makes you more inclined to give yourself openly and unabashedly.

    • YourStandardIsNotGods

      well said brian. never give in brah~

  • Erin

    This article bothered me, too. I can’t really add anything to Cristina’s awesome post (the first comment when I began reading), other than to agree that I find this piece so patronizing to women. “And if we can just wait, and hate ourselves for our sins, hate our bodies, then a man will come along and sweep us away…” YES. That’s what this article seems to suggest, and that’s a mentality that’s driving me crazy in the church. I wish I hadn’t even clicked the link. Initially, I thought this might encourage women who are still waiting … who have actually had to wait, who didn’t get to meet their husband in their early 20′s. Perhaps my math is off here – or I’m just misunderstanding — but if the author only waited to have sex until her 20’s …that’s not such a long time to wait. And all these things the author’s husband helped her through – anxiety, insomnia, anorexia … many women face those battles everyday, and they have to face them without a man holding them.

    And while I hope it goes without saying, I think there’s hope (and a happily ever after) for women who’ve slept with more than one man. (And the same goes for men who’ve had more than one partner.) I believe it’s an empowering decision to wait. But I don’t think virginity or the lack thereof defines our worth. Not at all. Grace extends to every person. This article, seemingly, does not. (On that note, I don’t believe every married person who waits, even happily married believers; only EVER think about their spouse while they’re having sex. I would assume, based on the constant media onslaught of the culture we live in, that’s probably a struggle sometimes even for men and women in healthy relationships.)

    • Emily Wierenga

      i’m sorry this article bothered you, erin, but i appreciate you sharing your thoughts so candidly. i know my experience isn’t everyone’s, but it’s all i know, so that’s what i wrote about. bless you.

      • http://www.facebook.com/RuthWilson Ruth Wilson

        Emily, you’re a badass. And I think you did a great job at telling YOUR story and I’ve learned so much from your story. I’ve got your back, and I see your heart. Thank you.

    • YourStandardIsNotGods

      erin. i agree with you. for both men and women, virginity does not equal worth. but i think the point here that should be well established, especially in our culture today is that the wait (most certainly) is ‘worth’ it — if for no other reason than based on the simple fact that it is commanded of god. and what if you miss the mark? (as many of us have). well, god is a master a taking something broken and restoring it, even to the point beyond what it originally could have been. guess that’s what they call grace.

  • Katherine Ray

    This makes me so very sad. There is nothing wrong with waiting to have sex until you are married, but it seems like Christians cannot achieve this without dumping buckets and buckets of shame on women’s heads. I mean, my God Emily, you were a virgin and still, STILL, that wasn’t good enough.

    I want to reach out to the 16 year old girls who are reading this now and say this: Maybe your thing is that you are really good at writing or drawing or dancing or painting. Maybe you volunteer at an animal shelter, or read to kids every Saturday at the library. Maybe you get really good grades, or make your friends laugh with your awesome sense of humor. THOSE are the things that make up your value, not who has touched your boobs, or not . And you need to find a guy who understands that.

  • http://www.eyvonnesharp.com/ Eyvonne

    I don’t see that Emily is heaping shame in this post. She’s saying this is what I did, this is the choice I made, and it was good. She’s saying my life is the story of a man who loved me and redeemed me. That man was Jesus but there is another man in my life, my husband, who modeled that redeeming love for me. She is clean before God because of Jesus and what he did for her. I see that in everything Emily writes and says.

    This is a thing to be celebrated.

    There are many who’ve made a different choice. And there is a man in their life who has loved and redeemed them. His name is Jesus. They may or may not have another man in their life who has modeled that kind of love. These women are clean before God because of Jesus and what he has done for them.

    Why do we have to set the two against one another? Can’t we celebrate Emily’s life and the beauty of her marriage as a reflection of Christ and his church without accusing her of shaming others?

    I relate to Emily’s story. I know many women who don’t who are clean and pure and beautiful because of Jesus. We are all only clean and pure and beautiful because of Him.

    • http://godspotting.net Sheila Seiler Lagrand

      Amen.

      • Emily Wierenga

        oh eyvonne. thank you friend. i celebrate YOU.

  • http://MegLivingInsideOut.net/ Meg Davis @InverseDream

    This is good to reread. :-)

  • http://www.facebook.com/brandon.roberts.146612 Brandon Roberts

    I really appreciate this, & look forward to whenever I have children that they learn from my mistakes & see God’s glory reflected in my marriage.

  • YourStandardIsNotGods

    this is poetic. thank you for sharing. i must share this with my daughters. and ooopys, how double standarded of me…and my son.

  • Rae

    Thank you for this!! It was beautiful and encouraging