Prodigal Magazine

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How uncomfortable would life be without insulation?  Insulation isolates the inside of the house from the outside. With insulation you can create entirely different atmospheres in close proximity to each other. Insulation allows one area to feel completely different than other areas adjoining it. It protects us from the painfully cold winters, and the beating-sun-summers. It allows the inside of the house to live in denial of what is really going on outside.

Insulation is good in houses, clothes and cars, but we dudes tend to isolate relationally as well.  We insulate our lives with sports, business, ministry, seclusion, and pretend relationships. We try to protect ourselves from pain. We insulate. We live in denial of other “atmospheres” right next to us. We create our own atmosphere, our own reality, and our own perfect worlds. All the while, we are craving real relationships. All of us do. The longing for intimacy is universal, and God breathed.

When it comes to jumping over a six-foot high bon fire, free-falling off a 30’ cliff, or driving 100mph with our car, we are more than ready to act. We typically love the adrenaline of danger and speed….

Why are we such wussies when it comes to relational risks? Isn’t the adrenaline rush of these risks quite similar to physical risks? Why does fear cause us to Isolate?

I remember a period of time when God was restoring my relationship with my father. I lived with my parents for a short time after college. My father and I were going to bed at the same time one night, going around the house turning off lights. Our paths crossed in the pitch black location where one set of stairs goes up, to his room, and the other stairs descended to mine. My heart raced as I had no idea how to feel comfortable saying “good night” to my own father in a dark room. The great chasm between where I wanted to be with him and where we actually were was a jump too big for me. I thought of the easy way out…a quick slap on the shoulder and a mumbled “iloveyou”.

That seemed safe. No risk there. Yes, isolate.

But I longed for more. I knew it. I have known it since I have known anything at all. I wanted to be authentically intimate with him. There is probably nothing I wanted more than that. I could not repeat the same patterns with him and expect different results. I knew I had to risk a new pattern if I desired new results.

So, I pulled him into a hug, and held it. My impulse was to let go quickly. After 2 seconds I wanted to pat him on the back to let him know we were done. But I did not. Ahh the risk! The fear inside me wanting to run downstairs…but how great this felt…I held on! All the anger and frustration I had for him for years…the river that had been dammed was running again! I held on! Forgiveness, closeness, affection…Intimacy. I held on…

It lasted a minute or two, and it was awkward the entire time.  Yet, the power of that hug will be one that I will remember to my grave. It is a milestone, never to be forgotten. The risk was high, and the reward was great.  When the potential reward can be this great, why do we try to self-protect through isolation?

I think there are two main reasons.

1. Insecurity [we are not good enough for others]

2. Pride [we are too good for others]

Both causes of isolation seem to ruffle God’s feathers.

Insecurity says “God, you did not make me good enough”, “I have nothing to offer”. These are lies from the enemy. Insecurity goes against Genesis 1:27 “I have created you in my image”, It goes against our identity in Psalm 139 “I am fearfully and wonderfully made”. It opposes the truth in Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Insecurity is not from God.

I would also suggest that excessive busyness is most often a symptom of insecurity. Busyness says “I need to work hard to earn my approval” or “I am too scared to slow down and feel what is really going on in my heart”. We are not at peace with who God says we are. We are simply hyperactive children searching for approval.

Pride says “I am better than others, and better than God.”  No body enjoys a know-it-all, or a constant self-promoter. Proud people have replaced God by putting themselves on the throne. Ephesians 4:2 says “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Hebrews 4:6 says “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” I Peter 5:6 writes “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.”  Philippians 2:3 was written “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”

Jesus modeled these two for us. He knew who his Father was and that made him humble as a servant. He knew who he was in relation to God, and that made him confident with authority.

What are the ways we can start to Un-isolate with humble-confidence?

Take a risk. If God is for you who can be against you? Is there a guy you feel you have natural “fun” with? You feel like there is divine connection with him? Go deeper in conversation. Talk about your goals, dreams, desires; help each other get there.

Develop common interests and use those as a bridge to get to know others. Do you love mountain biking? Surfing? Movies? Find others who love the same and use those activities as a launching pad for deeper relationships. Shared struggle is not the greatest way to connect with others, but shared interests are.  Is there someone you could call right now?

Fail. Yes, friendships we think are headed to epic levels might crash and burn.  God works all things together for the good, even failures. We might get hurt, abandoned, rejected. Forgive as you have been forgiven. Confident in your status as God’s son, get up and try it again. The reward is great.

Confess sin. There is no greater way to connect with a brother than to humble yourself and confess your shortcomings to him. As cheesy as it sounds, it is hard to look down on someone, when you’re both on your knees.

Ask God and others what prevents you from relating well. You might be unapproachable, or have quirks that make you un-relational. We all have blind spots, and we can only find out by asking someone who is around us to give us honest insight.

I believe you will experience incredible tensions, but multiplied joy when you start walking in humble-confidence with others. When your deep desire for intimacy is met, when you are authentically loved and loving, your joy will skyrocket.  Insulation is good for saving money on your heating bill, but not-so-healthy for your personal life. Isolate no more, friend, the world is waiting for God’s image to reflect through a confident-humble man like you.