Why I Can’t Go to Church on Sundays

I stopped reading my Bible about 3 years ago because it was giving me panic attacks like whoa. Kept trying to go to church, though.

Then I started getting debilitating migraines every Sunday. Every Sunday like clockwork.

The breaking point was the last Sunday we made an attempt to be a regular part of a church. I had a headache. The preacher started talking about how God had worked salvation in his life by – get this – having a friend of his commit suicide instead of killing him. My head exploded. I felt faint. I felt sick. I was too weak to move. My husband had to help me out of the church after the sermon…and by the time we got to my car, my headache was completely gone.

I thought, “If my body is reacting SO strongly to this, I can’t keep doing it.” So we stopped going to church. We’ve tried a few different churches since, but the anxiety and headaches remain. So we stay at home and try to work out our own salvation there, wrestling with the God we were taught as children because surely He can’t be the God we’re to love and adore.

There have definitely been times in my life when I didn’t want to go to church. For a while I drove away from church services with tears in my eyes, and not because the service was so meaningful. I hate that Church has become such a hurtful, intimidating place for so many.

I keep going though, because I’ve seen the flip side–the really amazing, beautiful, God-given moments of peace and wonder, a glimpse of what Church SHOULD be. It doesn’t make going to church easy by any means (something I blogged about just yesterday), but it gives me hope for what it can be.

Thanks for sharing your story, even without a resolution. It’s so helpful to hear stories when people are still IN the struggle, instead of just when they’re “done” with it (though are some stories ever really finished?). Again, thank you.

I have a very close friend who is dealing with similar things – discovered going out on hikes, “nature bathing,” and good friends helps a lot.

Emily, I know exactly what you’re talking about. All throughout last year I dealt with those feelings. I stopped going to church for a few months to deal with these issues and came back only to find that the issues I thought I had resolved had come back stronger than ever. I ended up having to leave the church I’ve been attending because I realized that my anxiety and stress wasn’t coming from the church itself, but some of the people I allowed myself to be judged by. And judge they did and still do now that I’ve left, but I’m thankful for a new body of believers that follow this command to love and help me to do the same. Thanks for this. Your honesty is beautiful.

Emily, I so understand. I went through a long season of church service detox… I just needed to flush some toxins from my system. So I generally avoid church services because they trigger things for me that are unhelpful, unproductive and in a space I’m not free to seek clarity or comfort. Some types of services are harder than others, to be be honest. The more I’m away from services, the healthier I feel. Like you, I participate in a vibrant community, plenty of good reading and Brueggemann sermons keep me engaged and challenged, too! But services still seem counter-productive for me too much of the time to make it part of my spiritual diet.

What I’ve found in recent months… the Eucharist is mending me week by week. I attend a weekly Eucharist (Catholics call it Mass) on Wednesday mornings. It is a small group of the faithful gathering in the cold mornings at the front of the cathedral. We share common prayers, listen to readings from the Old and New Testaments, partake of the Eucharist and pass the peace. It’s not flashy, ‘relevant’, spontaneous or trying to be anything other than nourishing. Daily bread. And it’s given me a safe place to congregate without all the triggers I feel in other services.

Blessings to you in your own journey, whatever way the road takes you toward Christ, toward daily bread, toward mending and wholeness. You’re not alone!

I find there are months at a time where I “just can’t do church”. I can’t see God in the mess. In the committees, the meetings, in the separating families into different wings of the building, in the crazy competitive woman relationships — where do you find God?

God doesn’t want my worship by intimidation. He doesn’t want my worship off the rack from the newest boutique. God doesn’t want my worship to be the latest guilting into service only inside a certain building. Worship is not a competition and I feel that is often what church becomes. God wants me, all of me. He wants my heart focused on his. He wants the noise to go away. Or, for me to step away from the noise – to find a quiet place, to allow him to meet me.

Initially the best intentions are the focus, but when you put a group of human people together – sometimes you get a mess. Little does the pretty packaging realize that we are all mess. Yup. A big, fat, loving Jesus mess.

Perhaps Emily God is calling you to church – it just might not be the church you are at right now. Is there a small group, and on line setting, maybe he is calling you to blast music and worship in the car? There is no pretty packaging to your relationship with the Lord = that is the glorious gift in God. He loves you and will meet you where you are. Maybe he is calling you to something new. That new, may or may not be what tradition calls for. Search your heart. If he is, approach that adventure in faith, not nervousness.

Oh, I’m glad to know that there is someone else walking around wondering whether “alien ants may take over my body” or something weird like that.
Since april 2011 I’v been feeling dizzines and till now don’t really know why. I did medical tests and MRI; and the nneurologist told me that I don’t have some serious illness such as cancer or tumor. My doctor also told me that it must be stress! Yes, everyday life, finish my study, family matters, church matters, etc. etc. So Stress, stress, stress, and more stress.
At some point the dizzines get very worse (could barely walk), and then better. But I still suffer from dizziness. Some days more, other days less. I also experience pain at different places in my body. Trusting the Lord for His miracle!!
I’m sorry about your anxiety about church. I’d never experience that. And what do you do on the sundays that you don’t go to church?

Find a new church.

The responses to this article are kind of weird! Why would you go to church if you didn’t enjoy it? Why would I do something I didn’t love doing?

“Come unto me all ye who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.” If church / jesus isn’t giving us rest we are doing something wrong.

Emily (and all),

I’m not a normal reader of this blog. I got here via a post on a friend’s facebook wall. And while I didn’t have time to read in detail all 53 comments, I did skim several of them.

First, let me say that I appreciate the strength it takes to talk about stuff like this. Anxiety is a real thing that comes in a lot of forms and can be very difficult to work through. You and everyone else feeling short of breath on the church steps have my prayers.

However, I’m disturbed by some of the sentiments in your article and in the comments. I come from a conservative but not fundamental background, so I do not know what pressures the people mentioning fundamental backgrounds are overcoming.

I think it is very important to realize that the church is made up of fallible, imperfect people from the pastor right down to the baby in the nursery. Do people get it wrong sometimes? Yes. Are there things within each church group that need fixing? Yes, absolutely. Each church has a diffferent problem because each one has a different group of fallible people trying to make it work.

That doesn’t mean we walk away from it.

Hebrews 10:25 tells us “not to give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing”. I noticed in your article that you have a group that you meet with – and that’s great! I encourage everyone to have a small group whether they attend church service or not. I gather from the way you described them, though, that this is a group of people similar to yourself in age and probably circumstance.

The Bible also says in 1 Corinthians 12 that the body of believers has many parts and they all do different things. I do not think Sunday mornings with three songs and a sermon is the essence of church. There are plenty of people who sit in the pews and aren’t active members of the body. BUT that doesn’t mean we can withdraw from people who don’t act/look/think/see as we do. Imagine you’re a spleen (and I use that because it’s a fun word to say… spleeeeen). If you hang out, study, and worship only with other spleens or even a collection of spleens and livers with the occasional pancreas thrown in, you’re missing out on the whole body. At the same time, somewhere, there’s a larger body of believers not reaching their full potential because their spleen is missing.

I think of Sunday morning (or whenever your church meets, I know of several meeting on Saturday nights now) as the family dinner. It’s not always comfortable, but it brings the whole family to the table. And when there’s things we don’t like being said from the pulpit, the first thing we need to do is go to scripture. I know people that have left the church because the pastor preached on the Biblical principle of tithing. If we still don’t agree with it, we can open up a dialogue. Pastors aren’t perfect and most of them would love to sit down and discuss a passage with you if you interpreted it differently.

I wish you joy in your journey and pray that Jesus will continue to reveal himself in your life.

You are not alone. In my 20′, I turned away from God because I was paying too much attention to His children and not enough on Him and I started equating Him with His children. I felt judged and reacted with my own judgement. Six years later, when He called me back to Him, I balked at attending church. I was afraid of falling back on the bandwagon of looking to others rather than to Him. I asked Him if I could have some one-on-one time with Him and learn to focus just on Him. He gave me room, holding me to my promise to spend time with Him and study His word. I think it took me almost two years and a move to get me to start looking for a church, at which time, I was still single and didn’t know people who went to church in my community. So many scary solo visits. So many times I was ignored. But God is good and faithful and He not only found me a church community that felt safe, but He introduced me to my husband. I still say that I probably would have grown more spiritually with others helping me, assuming This is where I believe God’s grace resides, not pushing us, but gently leading us back to where His best is for us.

Wow, my heart aches for you and all of those who made comments here. There is a way to be free from all of that. I’m not saying it’s simple or easy, but it can be done. If the Truth will set us free, then why are we living as if we are not free? Please, I encourage you to read Bondage Breakers by Neil Anderson, he is a well known teacher who has counselled thousands in being freed forever from such oppressive feelings, thoughts, and attitudes. He did the same for me through his work, The Steps to Freedom in Christ. I spent so many years in bondage to addiction, mental illness, and suicidal depression. Anxiety is an understatement and I often blamed critical people in the church for my feelings of insecurity. No more! Please read Eph 6:10-18 slowly and understand you are in a spiritual war. Please, if you really sincerely want healing and freedom from this, you can have it. I encourage you to read anything by Neil Anderson.

I’m a little late to game here, my sister posted this article to my facebook. I have not been to church for about 5 years now. And to be perfectly honest I never really looked back. I grew up in an evangelical type church. Worship was modern, my dad was an elder and taught regularly, I was super active in the youth group and even co-led/taught a college bible group in highschool. There were church people and “non-church people.” nearly all my friends were from church. The summer I turned 18 I left for a 3month job and upon returning found “friends” judging me, hypocritical judgmental leaders, and a congregation that was either too old or too young and nobody seemed to care about living God’s love. So I left. and tried other churches. By and large, I was ignored by everyone at the few other churches I visited, I even tried a few small groups with people closer to my own age. I am not an outgoing person, the thought of introducing myself and trying to make conversation is painful. But I am friendly, and am happy to talk with those who come to me. Is that a little one-sided? yes, but I am what I am. What I’m aiming to say, is that through all of that. Through all of the failures of the churches, God has never once failed me. never. My faith remains strong, my life is not hard, I don’t have a lot, but I have more than enough. God has blessed me over and over again since I’ve left the church. I have remained faithful to Him and Him to me. He blessed me with a wonderful husband who also believes, with a good job and a happy home. So even though the church wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, God is. I truly believe that church does not a good christian make. It’s not for everyone, He calls us on different paths, for now I meet Him in the quiet of the night, as I go through my day, out in the nature He made, in the people who love me and those whom I love. It’s OK to not go to church. God will meet us where we’re at. Hebrews 13:5

I think that this is not just a fear, but that this is demonic bondage. God wants to set you free and take away all the anxiety. This bondage comes from sin that you or past generations comitted.

If you want to drive an hour south for church, you can come to my Quaker church with me on Sunday. (Mostly joking, but not entirely!) I like the old hymns, the short sermon, and the casual sharing of praises. But my favorite thing about it – the central thing that made me leave my conservative Baptist church which was no longer taking care of any part of me except my brain – is the silence. I have no idea how long it is – five minutes? ten? no idea. But it’s beautiful and holy and I love it. It’s so NOT what I’m used to – it’s a deliberate departure from “flow” and “busy” and “no dead air”. It’s church without noise.

I know you’ve gotten lots of input about this, but that’s my thought … a Quaker church might be a good place to start if you ever want to give it another go. It is amazing how silence can feed the soul after decades of noise.

Thank you for this