Last month I shared my story of how I had a nervous breakdown which eventually led to the rediscovery of my love of writing. It took years of searching to find my calling. I was miserable. I was discontent, cranky, lonely, and depressed. How did I move from this stage to being content and fulfilled?
I gave up. I decided to ask for help.
I realized I couldn’t do this on my own. Even the Lone Ranger has Tonto. I intentionally took time to talk more about how I felt with my wife. I started consistently meeting friends for coffee to talk about life. I prayed more. I asked God for help more instead of bottling it all inside.
Once I asked for help, I received encouragement and support. Through those I found hope.
All along I expected an “aha moment”. I waited for a bright light to shine down from Heaven and land on directly what I need to do with my life. I know God loves us and wants us to find His calling in our lives—but He does not always tell us directly what to do in a defining moment of clarity.
God speaks to me occasionally in a quiet whisper in silence. I do not find any peace or comfort when I am filled with worry. It is only in the stillness that I find true peace.
When peace is present, I ignore my fears.
I often let fear control me. Fear stopped me from asking for help. Fear stopped me from trying new things. Fear even wanted me to not reflect on my past. But once I ignored the fear, it was in reflective silence I rediscovered my love for writing.
I remembered creative writing was my favorite class in college. I remembered writing stories and essays just for fun. Almost every good memory that stood out from my education involved writing or reading.
But at some point, I quit doing what I loved. I believed that I was no good at it. That I could never make a career out of it—so obviously my writing didn’t really matter. But that was a total lie.
Writing is a crucial outlet for me. Singers need to sing. Painters need to paint. Golfers need to golf. And I need to write.
I realized it was time to experiment with writing again.
Forgetting perfection, I just wrote for the fun of it. I wrote about some of my struggles and frustrations. I wrote about the many questions that bounce around my head. And just by writing them out, I found out others feel the same way. Before my very eyes, my writing experiment made an impact. It made me realize that I could serve others while using my gifts.
I let it sink in that God is really in control.
God is with us during the good times and the terrible times.
Somehow God has turned an extreme negative, a nervous breakdown, into a positive as I now serve others who are facing similar problems to what I faced.
Earlier my life was all about me and how I could blame others for my situation. Now my goal is to serve others. If I really believe God is in control, it takes the burden off of me. My problems quickly become less devastating.
What is your calling? Do you know how you can serve others with your gifts?