“Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favour and good success in the sight of God and man” Proverbs 3:4-5 (ESV)
All of us want to win with people. For some of us, that means leadership or management. For others, it means those nearest and dearest to us. Simply put, we want to be influential. We want to be able to influence some of those around us.
Techniques abound about getting what you want with people – by persuasion skills, or understanding body language, or selling techniques. But these are all ‘getting’ techniques, and can even have an air of manipulation about them. How would you feel if you knew someone was analysing your body language so they could understand you better, are therefore be able to influence you more?
I wonder if the way to win with people is not about getting, but giving. Perhaps if I put peoples interest, needs and wants before my own and seek to serve them then I may see my influence increase. Perhaps people will begin to see my actions and intentions are for them, and for their own best interests. They may see my deeds are so that they can prosper, irrespective of what gain – if any – there is for me.
Perhaps another way I can win with people is to do what I say. When I say I’ll do something for someone, if I don’t do it that undermines my influence with them. Why be influenced by someone whose word has no weight, or who is not trustworthy in the little things?
As I think about this more and more, I’m beginning to wonder if the key for winning with people is to live for people.
Anthony Hilder is a professional life coach based at www.lifematters.me.uk. Previously he was involved in church leadership and corporate banking. He blogs at www.anthilder.co.uk.
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