We can start with the ones at home, as it comes to the Internet. I collated some of my thoughts on the very basics of Internet safety for children.

I am not going to describe what is the difference between content sites, search engines, directories, communities, forums, blogs or social networks.  Most likely, you are reading this online in some fashion so you are reasonable adept at technology.

What you might not know, or simply refuse to acknowledge, is how much danger is online for children.

The Internet is a tool.  It is like fire. It can warm, light the way and even protect.  It can be a research tool for school or travel, allow communication with friends and distant family through video, provide discussions on spiritual, health, do-it-yourself projects or hobby topics.  The net allows us to preview even read complete books and magazine, a la Prodigal Magazine.

I take most of my classes online. I talk to friends and family across the planet at my leisure virtually for free.  I “learned”  how to do drywalling at a DIY site. I also learned how to hire a good professional drywaller right after it!

My MP3 player has gigabytes of sermons from several pastors. Excellent material to listen to in a traffic jam!   As you know, I don’t own a TV set yet. Most of the movies we watch come from Netflix streaming. Did you know over 30 of the VeggieTales are available? Or the “Gospel of John”, “Stephen’s Test of Faith”, “The Power of Prayer”, or the story of “William Tyndale”.

When my children mention a movie, or book, I research it online. There are spoilers with reasonable reviews by other Christians who detail all things they consider questionable.  It is surprising how much bonding can be achieved by simply acknowledging interest in my children’s interest.

But, there are problems.

There are no borders.  law enforcement doesn’t understand. The law doesn’t understand. And, in some instances the law doesn’t care.  Most parents are lost, worse – oblivious.

They are dogs with mighty appetites; they never have enough. They are shepherds who lack understanding; they all turn to their own way, each seeks his own gain. Isaiah 56:11

A web site can be anywhere on the planet, it can even be mobile from minute to minute.  It is extremely complex to “hunt down” a specific web site, if they do not want to be found.  Once a child shares information about themselves, it is almost impossible to remove it from the net.  It is almost permanent. Web pages deleted decades (that’s like saying thousands of years in net life) ago still available for perview.

With all due respect to our law enforcement officers, few of them have the knowhow or the resources to protect our children online.

Our legal system still struggles with the notion of dial tone rights. A judge recently wondered how to keep the computer mouse, collected as part of evidence, alive for the court date…

To most law enforcement things on the Internet are not “committed” until they manifest themselves in the real world, or hit a bank account.  By then, it is too late.

This is the Wild Wild West folks! No law. Ma and Pa must be always on the lookout. Shotgun right next to the door, loaded.  So what are you doing about it?

There is so much to discuss when it comes to the Internet.

If you think this does not impact you here are some headlines :

“Craigslist child sex ads lead to arrests” April

“Teen sentenced to probation in 2006 MySpace rape” May

“Mom indicted in MySpace suicide case” May

“Ont. teen arrested over alleged online threats” June

“Search for girl, 12, focuses on MySpace” June

“Man accused of downloading toddler rape videos” July

“P2P investigation leads to child-porn busts” August

“Sex Offender Poses As Child, Attends School” September

Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning Proverbs 10:9

Here is what many say in churches today – this won’t happen with my children. My kids know better. I take better care of my kids. My kids walk with Christ – they can tell the difference. The police or the FBI will get those web sites.

If you not just say, but actually believe these things you are a not a wise man.

How many sites do you think are out there?  How many news stories do you see about website takedowns?

The facts

Pornography revenue in ’06 $97.06 billion

$13 billion within the U.S.A.

12% of all sites are pornography sites

79% of youth unwanted exposure to pornography occurs at home

20% is child  pornography

80% of pedophile sites are commercial

Child pornography is one of the fastest growing businesses online

I did not know what data to select to do the wake up. Where do you think the victims come from, for the above statistics?

83% of images are of children between the ages 6 and 12;

39% are children between ages 3 and 5;

19% had images of infants and toddlers under age 3.

So why is this nightmare so prevalent? Anonymity. Emotional bonding. “It”-won’t-happen-to-my-child syndrome.

Research says that it is out there because of no feelings.  That’s right, no feelings. There are two facets to this.

First, when I write something online, I write with my background, emotional baggage, and circumstances.  When you read my writing, you read it with your background, emotional baggage, and your circumstances.  Why do you think we have emoticons? Because, unless we are writing poems or hymns it is unusual to weave all our feelings directly into our writing.  Despite some of us denying it, we encode much emotion into our spoken words, expressions, posture, and gesticulation.

Predators know exactly what they are doing and what they are looking for. They weave the words to trigger expected emotions.  Most predators do not hide their age and gender. Predators seduce young people by being symathetic, flattering, and by appealing to a young person’s desire to be appreciated, understood, be romantic, to take risks and learn more about adulthood. And, this is the second reason – unmet needs that should have been tought by parents.  The spiritual leader of the house.

Predators generally target teens who are willing to talk about sex online. Those are the kids whom you didn’t talk about sex.

48% teens reports parents know little or nothing what they do online

58% teens have profiles on a social networking site

25% teens have pictures online

14% teens met in person whom they met in chat room first

These are the willing ones. We do not have real statistics of the unwilling ones.

Blah, blah. Whatever. Get to the point, right? My point is, yes the net is a tool and is awesome for many things. But, the Internet is the #1 tool for child sex offenders.

And, that is just pornography. We haven’t talked about false, inaccurate, misleading teachings; occult; obscene language & inappropriate topics; anti-Christian; drugs; alcohol; tobacco; gambling; quick-money schemes; espionage; terrorism; Internet addiction; privacy invasion; theft and robbery; bullies; harassment; molestation; rape; kidnappings…

Woe to you who are complacent in Zion, and to you who feel secure on Mount Samaria, you notable men of the foremost nation, to whom the people of Israel come! Amos 6:1

What can we do? Set up hedges, and teach the children.  We can use technology and parenting both culminating in filtering and monitoring.  Filtering and monitoring overlap because of the tools but they are different things. Filtering is when we set what we allow or not allow. Monitoring is taking notes, or recording what we are doing.

We can replace technology with parenting.  We cannot replace parenting with technology.

Filtering can come in the form of software and hardware, some are identical to our own accountability solutions (of course you already doing that, right?).

At the user computer there is NetNanny, Covenant Eyes, SafeEyes, CyberPatrol, CYBERsitter, K9, X3Watch, MaxProtect, FilterPak, Netmop, Safe Eyes, WiseChoicenet, Cyber Sentinel, McAfee Parental and many others.  Both K9 & X3 Watch have free versions. Of the two, K9 is more professional.  K9 barks!

When you do get this software, do not allow your child to install the software. Ask an other parent or call tech support. Majority of the packages are self explanatory.

Do not give administrative rights to your child on the computer.  The advantage of a shared computer is not just cost savings but limiting time, and explicitly knowing someone else will be using that computer, and may discover hidden activities.

If you are like most households, you have WiFi. These edge proxy servers, that is, devices between your Internet service providers’ “modem” and your computer can often provide similar service. They tend to be few hundred to thousand dollars.

Alternatively, if you are technology savvy, you can set up your own solution by using open source DNSGuardian. A commercial product by Cisco, Barracuda, SonicWall will run you five hundred dollars or more.

ISP solutions are very limited and very expensive compared to software on the desktop. Comcast has a “help” page which lists “parental controls” in software and talking to children. Nothing about “we will help you”. Verizon Broadband offers free software, that you can download under parental control.

With most kids having Internet ready cell phones it is very important to not forget about them.  Verizon Wireless can do some blocking for its browser in a rating fashion way.

When you do find the child visited sites, approve child notifying you of accidental visits.  We all have mistyped domain names, and landed at a bad site. Don’t beat up the child or they will not come to you with the real thing.  Allow ‘self’ filtering, and agreement with the child on what is and is not appropriate. Have an ongoing dialogue.

Filtering solutions described above can be circumvented. This could happen because of bad classification a site, or the child is actively searches for a workaround.

Most game consoles, like XBox, Wii, PlayStations, etc. cell phones smart phones, PDAs have internet connections. Remember to check or implement filtering on these tools.

Look for evidence of interest to get around the filtering solutions – hacking sites, chat rooms, P2P, BitTorrent, anonymizers, virtual machines and similar.

Live with the frustration, not the temptation.

Like every other aspect of parenting, know what is going on in your home, and in your child’s life. Monitor it.  If you are not the parent, educate the child’s parents.

When it comes to monitoring, here are my thoughts on what should be reviewed.

Look at Youtube and you will understand why you do not want to allow a video camera. Pictures allow identification of location, and provide a menu of selection for predators.

Make rules and set limits for Internet use, and be firm with your child about keeping them.  This refers to time of day, how much a week or day, and what sites in general are ok to visit.

Keep the computer in an area of the home where everyone can see it and it is used by the entire family. A child may be less likely to disobey the rules if he is likely to be caught.

Know the web sites your child is visiting and what they are about—are they for play, music, or homework?

Is your child using chat rooms? This activity may not be a good idea, unless you know the topic and the people are who they say they are. Get involved yourself, and keep an eye on the discussion over time.

Animal sharing (neopets, horse, etc. sites) allow chatting.

Some popular online activity among youth may be illegal—like downloading music and movies. Make sure you are on top of this and that your child knows them, too.

Make children aware of the dangers of giving personal information on the Internet—this shouldn’t be allowed, except with your specific approval. This means no last name (or first name if unique), where you live (not even the city), school, and especially no phone number should ever be given out.

Very young children must always have an adult or older sibling with them when using the computer. No exceptions.

So how would a child get around monitoring?

They will it at friends’ house. When you send your children over to a friend, discuss these things with the friend’s parents. I have no pride when it comes to my children.

Do it at public library. Freedom has its price. Most public libraries fight to keep their Internet connection open and unfiltered.

Unfortunately the faithful are not immune from divorce. Children can do it at the ‘other home’. Again, bury your pride and attempt to discuss this with the mother.

Sitters are almost impossible to find nowadays. But, your sitter can ‘help’ out your child to walk across the hedges.  Make it explicitly clear where those hedges are to the sitter.

Your beloved child can do it at school. Most public schools cannot pay for a real professional, or too entangled with politics to hire a professional. Most school computers labs are a malware haven and a wide path to anything. From my professional experience, Board of Education can print pretty words of safety, most teens can and do run circles around school security.

Finally, they do it at your home – because you did not enforce the rules.

No technical solution is perfect. A determined person will find a way around filtering solutions.

Do not pretend your child will be ok – because they are smart, or walk in faith.

What is the take-home?

I have much better luck when I set the borders and clearly explain the consequences.

Remember, better to keep them close and watch them what they do, then deny them all. Children will find places to do what they want.

Having all the software installed means nothing if the logs are not reviewed with the child so you can discuss what is and is not appropriate.

• Teachers, sitters, friends and their parents, grandparents – talk to them.
• Openly discuss with children the dangers
• Explain the need for boundaries & hedges
• Time limits
• Filtering & monitoring
• Install filtering and monitoring tools & routinely review them
• Know your child’s interests & suggest sites
• Review tool reports with child
• Know your child’s friends and caretakers
• Make unannounced visits

Did I mention, be the spiritual leader for your child?

If you have other tips from your experience, please share below.

I do not need to tell you about the barrage of temptations in cyberspace. Advertising, even on innocuous sites can be risqué to disgustingly perverted. Internet, as a logical entity, enticed me. I could spend days online without stop, and not even noticing it. The Internet is easy, but it is not right. After waking up to this, I took up Job’s covenant.  “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.”  Job 31:1

But, how am I to grow these hedges? Could I just cut back here and there? Trim at the edges, till it is completely gone?  Would reducing the time and content over time, work?

For me, and those whom I talked about this, gradual cutbacks did not work.  I always found excuses to extend my time, to expand my searching and not get into the real world. Cyberspace is easy.

There was just one other solution left. Cold turkey. I mean flesh frozen, instant, absolute zero.

I knew I would have issues, slips and annoyances. What I did not want to do is permit myself leeway on the goal from the start. I knew that the closer I am to God, the less of a chance I have to stumble or fail.

Let me remind myself, that the Internet is a tool, that the LORD has given us. It is just like fire. We can cook and warm ourselves, or damage and kill with it. Our choices what makes the difference.

So, here is a list of things I did to help my on my journey. This is a non-exhaustive list, but my starting point. All of them can be done with little to no financial outlay.

No private screen – Location, location, location. If you are blessed to have a family, move all the screens to a location, where general traffic can see what you are surfing. There are few technical excuses why this cannot be done.  By moving it into a public and visible area, it helps with temptation.  On days when I am alone, I take my laptop and work in a cafe, or public library. I would hate to be caught in public, and I get kicked out when the place closes.

Limit usage – I could spend hours, nay, days on the computer, forget about food, my family and friends, unable to hear the telephone, and even bodily functions became a distracting annoyance.  Unless you are in the business of working with computers, there is no reason for anyone to stare at a computer screen for more than a few hours a day.  Set a drop dead time on the computer. Better filtering software packages also provide time limit enforcements.  I always thought I was an owl, spending nights after nights on the computer. Turns out I can get up at 6 in the morning, and can fall asleep by 10 at night.  I try not to touch the computer on weekends, holidays or vacation.

Filtering software – There are dozens of these packages available, some even free. None are perfect, but they block most inappropriate sites, advertisements and track various Internet activities.  I also use advertising blockers, and have redundant solutions. The combination of things should reduce not just inappropriate material but speed up my regular surfing, and reduce my security risks. Look for a filtering software which sends periodic e-mail reports or provides a portal to accountability partners.

Limit chat – Chat programs and sites, specially group chat programs are dangerous territory for men.  There is little control who else is on that chat. There is little control over what is said. There is little control on the validity of the content. Anonymity tends to push the boundaries, pretending to protect our lies. Limit this activity to get that grocery list from your wife, or address for the Saturday potluck church party.

Avoid spam – I know it is very hard not to get spam. I am not talking about blocking it, or filtering it, although that is very important for many reasons. What is crucial, is not to follow up or look through them.  Those subject titles are often made to tantalize you. Just like Joseph from Potiphar’s wife, we need to run as fast as possible. Delete them.

Addiction - Addiction to the Internet, Internet pornography, online gaming, chats and alike is not a figment of our imagination. Check, and double check yourself. Am I spending too much time on the Internet, whatever the excuse is? Am I bored when I am not on the ‘net? Am I behaving differently online, than in the real world? Go outside. Ask family members about you.  What do they say? If you are obsessed, you need help.  Meet people face to face. Enjoy life amongst your brethren.

Cell phone parental control – yes, some vendors can do it.  Most of us have moved on to Internet enabled telephones.  Whatever you call your gadget, remember that there are filtering solutions for these devices and need to be enabled.

TV – I … got rid of mine, for now at least. That might be a bit extreme to most, so I suggest the following – do set that parental control, and set it PG-13.  Order Netflix. I became a big fan of Netflix since I have no TV, and my kids demand some entertainment when we are shut-in.  I can stream some great classics, and order DVDs, yet control the content with extreme prejudice.

Entrust your brothers – Have your brothers in Christ receive your filtering software or accountability report.  Becoming accountable to them is an annoyance at first, but the fruit of the relationships grown from it worth it. Knowing that I can discuss my struggles and not be denigrated is freeing.  My layman suggestion is that your accountability partner is a male, and not a family member.

As I said before, this is not an exhaustive list, and a perfect solution for everyone. It is a template to think about, and to review.  You don’t have to be an addict or have an obsession to follow a prudent path.