Editor’s Note: Alece Ronzino is an incredibly honest writer, with an incredible story. This is an element of her story that has never shared before. We are honored that she would choose to share it with us.
I was the all-American good girl growing up.
I turned my homework in on time, studied for tests, and got straight A’s. I never drank or smoke or did drugs. I went on mission trips. I never dated. (I was, after all, part of the “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” generation.)
And I saved myself for marriage…
I never even kissed a guy till I met my husband.
We fell in love as missionaries in his home country of South Africa. We got married and pioneered a ministry in the poorest region of the country.
It was the thing of fairy-tales…
So I never in a million years expected I’d ever have to get tested for HIV.
But I did.
Because my husband was unfaithful. And because we lived in the country with the highest AIDS-infection rate in the world.
He was with her for over a year-and-a-half before the truth came out. And when it did, he chose her. Over me. Over the ministry. He walked away from it all, in pursuit of a new fairy-tale all his own.
With my life crumbling all around me, I was forced to face things I’d never imagined.
Like an HIV test.
I couldn’t hold back the tears as vial after vial of blood was taken.
My heart hurt far more than my arm did. I sobbed over the fact that I even needed to get tested. And I wished I had someone there with me. To hold my hand, literally and metaphorically.
My HIV test came back negative (for which I was—and am—overwhelmingly grateful), and I was given some heavy-duty antibiotics to kick any possibility of STD’s. So all is well.
But, even two years later
–I’m still trying to process the reality that someone who professed for-life love put me in this vulnerable position.
And I wrestle with feeling that saving myself for him was a waste. (Even when I know it wasn’t.)
I wish there was a pill that could cure my heart of distrust, fear, and insecurities. But there’s no quick remedy for broken trust, a violated heart, and a deep-seated fear of rejection.
All I can do is trust the Healer…
Even when it still hurts.